Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
