We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
