That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
