Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
