Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
