If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
