i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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