Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
