Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
