I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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