Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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