So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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