I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't turn off my feet"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
