I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
