please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
