i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
