....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
