Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
