Your tits are I can't wait for
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
