My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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