We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
