So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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