come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm too high and old for this...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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