I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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