Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
