He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize