i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
