Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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