I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
