This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
