this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
