i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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