Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
