so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
