is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
