help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
