I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
