"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
