Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
