i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
