tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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