just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
