last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
