she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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