The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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