she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
