K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
