I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
