I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
