I accidentally had phone sex last night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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