thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
