i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
