Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
