someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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