He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
