She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
