you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
