Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
