So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
