the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
