i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
