2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
