Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
