dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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