I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
