who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
