You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My life is pants optional.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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